How To Track Down Jennifer Lawrence Nude Pics Hacker

How To Track Down Jennifer Lawrence Nude Pics Hacker
By Chongchen Saelee

If you haven’t been informed, apparently a hacker has unleashed a collection of nude pics of female celebrities via 4Chan. The hacker seems to have obtained the pics from iCloud or some kind of cloud network that these female celebrities subscribed to. Most of the pics’ context involve them in sexting or post-coital states of undress. Some just look like selfies. They look authentic, and two of the compromised actresses (Jennifer Lawrence and Mary Elizabeth Winstead) have confirmed they are real. The Mary Elizabeth Winstead ones look tame and intimate (the context she claims she shot with her husband), so that one looks convincing. But the Jennifer Lawrence ones don’t make sense. Was she a prostitute? She looks exploited in some of those pics. If they were during sex, they sure are strange. If you’re an actress, you’d only pose like that for a man that was a real bad boy. Think Pamela Anderson via Tommy Lee.

So that leads me to the real point of this post. Who posted these pics?

Here are the possibilities:

-Inside job: Some loser who works at iCloud and stalked these celebrities. You’d have to have access to their private data and real names in order to do some kind of search that specific. A cloud is no different than any Internet server setup. So whoever had access to these files had to be on the inside.

-Personal: I know a lot of white dudes do globe-trotting (euphemism). Mayhaps, there was a dude, or a gang of dudes, banging these particular actresses before they were famous and are only releasing these pics now. One of the pics in the “set” was of some dude’s erect penis. That should stick out for investigators as odd.

-Typical Fake Nudes troll: It’s just some loser who master the “art” of creating fake nudes. Turns out the “hacker” is looking to sell this pics for some Bitcoins. If the user wants Bitcoins, possible user is not an American. Seems like a desperate move. Why not ask for American dollars?

-Something bigger: Tech corporations testing security protocols or photo manipulation technologies. Actresses may be in on it?

And with that, not to think too hard about any of this controversy, you should wonder yourself why it is such a big deal. I know, as a man, before I finally got laid, that this would have been the highlight of my day. But now I find it kinda pathetic. The only reason these have even gotten any attention is to shame these actresses. Some of them just look incredibly plain nude. Doesn’t contribute to their star-power allure. And if it’s to blackmail them, I don’t see how it could since most of these women have incredible bodies and looks like they had full makeup on, which leads me to think they are staged or fake.

Now, had I not learned about this via MSN’s shady suggestions, I would have gone about my day and continued working on my comic book.

But the controversy involves privacy invasion, and if these pics are indeed real, then my god, it can happen to anyone. There’s always some loser out there, working on the back-end of things, looking to exploit someone with some glitter to make a quick buck. If the hacker turns out to be FBI, NSA, CIA, then that makes it even more pathetic and frightening.

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