Green Lantern Corps: Lethal Weapon in Space

My sampling of what it could be:

Earth’s orbit

John Stewart and Hal Jordan are cruising along in a flashy vintage space speeder. Stewart is treating Jordan to lunch at a new satellite diner receiving rave reviews, just got a new shipment of cryogenic fresh food from “mother rock”. Somekind of newly genetically hybridized squid-pig.

Stewart: I hear ISS-F41 got a new shipment of goodies from mother rock. Somekind of new meat hybrid, squid-pig, or squid-cow, I think. Been looking to try it. What about you, Hal?

Jordan: Uck! What are they doing down there on mother rock? What happened to good ol’ hybrid land animals? The ida of mixing sea and land creatures together makes my stomach churn!

Stewart: Really? Remember that mystery meat we ate last week? The one you seemingly howled at the moon over?

Jordan: Yeah, what about it? It was cow-pig, right? Quite delicious.

Stewart: Haha. That was otter-jellyfish.

Jordan: Nah. I know my meats. It was cow-pig.

Stewart: ISS-F32 only gets shipments from the Pacific Coast. They don’t specialize in land hybrids. Ya sure?

Jordan silent. Then humiliated.

Jordan: God damnit. The servers on ISS-F32 were Asian!

Stewart and Jordan burst out in laughter.

Stewart and Jordan gracefully dock their vintage space speeder outside ISS-F41, a satellite diner that just opened. It used to be an international armory, but due to administrative corruption and becoming a hub for illegal drug smuggling, ISS-F41 was eventually shut down, bought out by the United Nations Space Reform Coalition, and converted into an international food vendor.

Stewart and Jordan inside ISS-F41, surrounded by other astronauts, servicemen, space lawmen, etc.

Stewart ordered the squid-pig, which came in a heated transparent pouch, looking like a pink human fetus lab experiment. But Stewart was smacking his lips with glee.

Jordan ordered the cow-pig, his favorite. He also enjoyed the green kale and gasoline smoothies. All the foods came in translucent pouches, looking like diarrhea or filled douchebags. But all around the space diner, the patrons were slurping it up, licking their fingers, wiping their greasy chins. Nothing unusual about the norm.

Jordan: Say, partner, did you hear about this new program they got building up over there in sector GL-88?

Stewart: No. I would know.

Jordan: No? It looks interesting. It’s called Green Lancers? Green Landers? Green something.

Stewart: Green Lanterns Corp.

Jordan: Green Lanterns?

Stewart: Green. Lanterns. Corp.

Jordan: But I thought you didn’t know anything about it. Haha.

Stewart: It’s a top secret initiative to recruit average space cops like us to fight an impending alien invasion.

Jordan not sure if Stewart is joking.

Stewart continues to slurp his squid-pig up.

Jordan: Hahaha!

Stewart gives Jordan serious look.

Jordan: Yikes. Are you serious? John, you kidding, right?

Stewart: Haha! Yeah, it’s a joke, man!

Jordan: Jeez. The thing with you former military top brass is you keep too many secrets! Just don’t know when you’re telling the truth or telling a lie that is actually the truth.

Stewart: And you former jet pilots need to know the difference. The universe is never black and white. It wasn’t even but 50 years ago that people were still living on mother rock. We would be out of work or chasing down criminals by foot!

Jordan: What better way to get exercise, though. I recall the training. I spent a few years on mother rock. It’s better to train as a pilot on mother rock because it just looks damn better. If you’re training to pilot spacecraft up here, all you see is black void. There ain’t no amount of VR sim environments that can replicate mother rock’s natural beauty!

Stewart: I was a land commander, way back when, well before you were even born. We only ever traversed sandy plains, dirt, rocks, mountains of dirt and rock.

Jordan: No kidding? Mother rock was still barren even back then?

Stewart: Haha!

A creepy patron is eavesdropping on Stewart and Jordan’s conversation.

Patron: Hello, officers. I hear ya talkin about The Green Lantern Corps?

Stewart: Maybe. What do you know?

The creepy patron holds his fist out in front of him, showing the two space cops the beautiful sparkling emerald ring on his finger.

Stewart reacts weirdly, as though he recognizes it. But then downplays it.

Stewart: Yeah, what’s it mean?

Jordan: It’s a Super Bowl ring, boss? Hahah!

Patron: Hal Jordan, your partner here, Mr. John Stewart, can fill you in on the details. Ask him what it’s like to fly. To really fly?

Jordan: Hey! How do you know our names?! How do you know my name?!!

Patron creepily smiles and walks away.

Jordan gets up to chase the creepy patron, but Stewart reaches out and grabs him, pulls him back into his seat.

Stewart: Listen, Hal…

Jordan: Man, that guy gives me the creeps, John. What’s he talking about? Do you know him?

Stewart: Hal, I think it’s time to tell you the truth… Ask me, Hal…

Jordan: What?

Stewart: Ask me. Ask me what it’s like to fly.

Jordan: I don’t get it. You aren’t a pilot.

Stewart: No, Hal. Ask me what it’s like to fly… to really fly.

Jordan: Haha. You mean fly a plane? Or like fly-fly?

Stewart gives ominous look.

Jordan: No… can’t be.

Stewart: Boy, if you want to know, you’d better ask now. Ask me what it’s like to really fly.

Jordan: Shit. John. What’s it like to really fly?

Stewart gives coy smile. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out something. Slides it on the table.

It’s a Green Lantern ring and it starts glowing.

Jordan: I don’t get it. It’s just a glowing ring.

Stewart: Hal, you have a lot to learn.

Stewart raises his hand and slips the ring on. He clenches his fist and a burst of green light and energy fills the space diner. Everything is covered in green tint and stopped in motion.

Jordan: Whoa! What the hell?!!

Stewart has now transformed into a pulsating green energy, like a green spectre, but he still has a humanoid form.

Jordan: Arrrhhhh!!! John! John! What’s happening?! Man, you’re a ghost! What?!!

Stewart: Calm down, Hal. I’m still John Stewart. But I’m also a Green Lantern. Welcome to the Green Lantern Corps, rookie.

Jordan: How?

Stewart manifests another Green Lantern ring by pulling it out from his own ring on his finger. He hands it to Jordan.

Stewart: Put it on. You are a Green Lantern now.

Jordan: Uh…

Stewart: Put the ring on. Then ask me what it’s like to really fly.

Jordan: Fine.

Jordan puts on the ring and…

Now Stewart and Jordan are floating out in the middle of black space, both in spectral Green Lantern form.

Jordan screaming in horror.

Jordan: What’s going on here, John!!! How is this happening?!!

Stewart: Haha! Notice something strange?

Jordan: I dunno, man! We’re green ghosts floating in the middle of space!

Stewart: Floating? Or flying?

Jordan: Holy shit. We’re flying! But how?

Stewart: The universe has all your answers, Green Lantern. You know what it’s like to be tasered?

Jordan: Of course. It’s one of the first things cadets experience during training.

Stewart: Do you feel that similar sensation now?

Jordan: Yeah. I think so.

Stewart: That is the living life force of the universe. That is how we “fly”. We are not in our humanly forms right now. This is our Green Lantern spectral form. You can lean on universe and it’ll lean right back. I guess you can say it lifts and carries you where ever you want to go. Go ahead, give it a try.

Jordan: How?

Stewart: It’s like swimming and walking at the same time.

Jordan: OK…

Stewart demonstrates how to fly as a Green Lantern. Jordan watches in awe.

Jordan floats in space awkwardly. He comically tries to move, but starts spinning out of control in place.

Stewart starts laughing at him.

The Jordan tries to stop himself by spreading out his limbs. Instead of stopping, Jordan balloons up as huge green ball of energy and explodes.

Stewart is laughing harder.

Stewart: Hal, you gotta learn to control your energy. Otherwise the universe will reclaim you.

Jordan (voice only): Say what? Where am I? Where’s my body?

Stewart: Concentrate hard and recollect your energy into one form, Green Lantern.

Jordan: How? I can’t!

Stewart: It would feel as overwhelming as getting tased by a million volts of electricity, like you are containing the energy of the sun.

Comments are closed.