10 Things I’ve Learned Turning 37 Years Old

10 Things I’ve Learned Turning 37 years old
By Chongchen Saelee

Gaw dayum. I’m turning 37 years old next month. Here are 10 things I’ve learned in my existence:

1. People are in their final Dragon Ball Z form by the time they are around 22 years old in modern days because that’s when they experience the most responsibilities and exposure to harsh reality. Be grateful you live longer these days. I could have peaked at 32 years old with a dead 12 year old wife and dying of consumption and rickets. So look forward to a nice long healthy life in modern times.

2. If you’re single, date people within your age range given 5 years younger or older. Otherwise you won’t be able to relate to them. It’s a waste of time changing yourself for anyone at this age. Besides, unless you are a virgin or relatively inexperienced in dating by my age, these will literally be the best years of sex in your life because you are in peak shape and have proficient sex experience. Partner count doesn’t mean anything if you didn’t learn anything.

3. At the same time, sex isn’t important anymore. When I was young, I was having a lot of sex for validation or clout.

Oddly enough there was no such thing as peer pressure. And having sex at early age is never a good thing unless you have the maturity and emotional intelligence to go with it. The young dumb girls I had sex with when I was a boy definitely wouldn’t pass the sniff test now. I focused only on their looks and took two decades of trial and error to realize most pretty people have no substance and make horrible partners, friends, mother to your unborn children.

4. Money and popularity don’t mean jack shit. You could work your entire life to acquire wealth and fame, but if you can never overcome sense of inferiority, you’re always comparing yourself to the next man, then it’s pointless to get that status. If you’re my age and rich and famous but can’t even get laid or speak up to defend yourself, you’ve fucked up.

5. Be grateful for subtle petty shit like having a warm bed to sleep late through the morning in. Appreciate beautiful sunrises, trees and birds. Who wants to wake up surrounded by concrete? Eat a goddam sweet ripened fruit. Eat healthy and right and take a really good shit or piss to remind yourself your body is still functioning like a boss.

6. Drink lots of water. Drink right amount. Your organs will thank you later in life. Your skin will look younger longer. No need for skin creams and other chemical nonsense.

7. Work less but also don’t play too much. If you work until you die and never had a good day doing something you love, that’s on you. But also don’t indulge in constant self-gratification and ignore your responsibilities like an asshole. If you have family to feed, you shouldn’t be livestreaming yourself skydiving with your gay lover’s dick in your mouth. LOL

8. Treat your family and friends and close circles with care, especially the young people. If you disregard or invalidate the children now, they’ll remember that and once you need their help when they’re adults, they might not care. You affect everyone you encounter in life, even if just a little bit.

9. Help someone in need because you can, not because you have to. And don’t expect anything in return. It has to come from a point of understanding your position in society now that you are a competent adult and actually the fabric of society now. You are capable of being a provider and caregiver.

10. Learn from your mistakes. You shouldn’t revert back to your old mistaken ways, especially if it brought you nothing but misery. You still have 40 to 50 years left to go, hopefully, so you want to know you got it right eventually. Evolve not devolve.

That’s it for now. Very general advice any other schmoe might give. But it seems to be widely agreed upon. At least if you’ve lived a basic decent life. If not, then hopefully this might help. Because if you’re reading this, you’re not dead yet. LOL

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