Posts Tagged ‘lame’
Feb 1, 2019
Serenity EX2: The Further Adventures of Baker Dil

Serenity poster

Serenity poster


Serenity EX2: The Further Adventures of Baker Dil

A fan fiction by Cnoknor Salihiwi IV

I didn’t always go by Baker Dillon, or Baker Dil for short. I escaped a troubled past. It’s been so long, I don’t even remember why or maybe I’ve just blocked it out. But I’m Baker Dil nowadays. The name just sounds more freeing.

Here I am on my heroic mystical quest into uncharted territories aboard my ship The Serenity. This time, I’m on the search for the dragon brothers that have been terrorizing Plymouth: Bowser, Gandondorf, and Ridley. I’m headed for the highest point on top of Mount Greyskull, yes, I know it sounds ominous, where I heard menacing dragons like to roost.

I was given this glowing golden sword by an old wise speaking owl while trekking through the forest nude. I found trekking nude as liberating to my soul as swimming nude in the open water. It’s like a rebirth every time.

Legend has it, I need to slay these dragons with this golden sword because it has been endowed with magical powers. I suppose I could use a harpoon gun but I just have to take the wise owl’s word for it. I’ve cheated death too many times based on my own whims or someone else’s. It was when I left my fate up to divine intervention is when I knew I was on the right side of God. He’s carried me this far.

So I was sailing peacefully across the open water when we were attacked by a giant octopus. It was shooting lava out of it’s eyes! Luckily, I had installed new lazer cannons with an upgrade package I bought with my extra earnings from side games. I swear I got extra level skills after I easily defeated the monster. It was as if I was magically teleported to the shore at the dragon’s lair entrance.

My golden sword started glowing and whooshing, and got me wondering how it was making those sounds. But it was as though an arrow appeared before me and pointed me toward the right direction, turning the page in the big book of destiny, and I was just it’s mere player.

I fought my way through skeleton warriors, booby traps, vampires, and headless big bossomed zombie women! Eventually, I made it to the top floor of the castle, which was backlit by endless lighting bolts and an unusually large full moon that never seemed to set. I could see the sun on the opposite side of the sky, the sun and moon out at the same time.

So I got to the top of the castle and the three dragons were frozen in the steps. A message popped up and said I hadn’t leveled up enough. I struck it with my sword a few times but nothing happened. So I sat there and drank the rest of my health potion and enjoyed the scenic view.

Maybe next time, Skeletor. Baker Dil, signing off.

Aug 17, 2014
How To Crack a Peach Like an Egg

It’s so stupid, it’s magical.

Nov 25, 2013
CIA and NSA’s got a problem: It thinks it’s Robert DeNiro and being cute for spying on people

CIA’s got a problem: It thinks it’s Robert DeNiro and being cute for spying on people
By Chongchen Saelee

Filmmaker James Cameron can make light of domestic spying abuse with his spy-thriller “True Lies”, which was actually a remake of a French film (the French are the ones who practically created the war and spy culture), and Ben Stiller’s “Meet The Parents” has a similar sub-plot. (more…)

Mar 4, 2013
Facebook will fail like social network sites before it

It’s just a matter of time. Not surprising. Not sudden. It’s the way it goes. (more…)

Oct 22, 2012
Live commentary US Presidential Election 2012 Debate III

Oct 16, 2012
How We Make Mitt Romney Lose 2012 US Presidential Election

All the secrets revealed from the all-knowing. (more…)

Oct 8, 2012
How We Make Obama Lose 2012 US Presidential Election

This one’s for all the Romney supporters, is how we do. (more…)

Jul 3, 2012
Amazing Spiderman Film Movie Review (more like Average Spiderman)

Hollywood. Tsk-tsk-tsk. This is the Transformers 3 of Spiderman films so far. Let me explain. (more…)