Mom Wants Me To Get Married + Have Kids

By Chongchen Saelee

EVERY single 30-something-year-old, at least in American culture, is going to get nagged by their parents to start their own family. Maybe it’s a good sign your parents finally acknowledge you as a full adult. Or is it just because your other relatives, cousins, siblings are getting married and having children? Because I’m no fool. Of course it would make my parents proud that I could spawn the next generation for them to witness, but I know that once my parents are gone, the burden will solely be on my shoulders to raise my own family, and that’s not something I’m willing to accept yet.

Because when you grow up as a minority in America, you don’t get the same development cycle as Whites. Whites get all that stuff handed to them. It’s why they are so entitled. They get to lose their virginity at 16. They get their first car at 16. They get a scholarship to a prestigious college. They get a steady job out of college. They get married and have kids. They divorce. They still get a big fat check from the alimony. It’s all rigged in their favor.

In other countries and cultures, once you become an adult, it just “happens”. Sure, some of it is pre-arranged, some are by accident, but I can’t imagine their lives being as orchestrated for advantage as Americans. You wouldn’t have to prearrange anything if life was that good.

So I don’t really like the notion of marrying for money or to build alliances. That’s something Mom wants. That’s what other Moms want is their daughters to marry into my family circle… apparently, I’m a symbol of prestige.

But Mom wants it to be good. She wants me to find someone I’m compatible with. She wants someone who is beautiful but also good-hearted. And that’s rare. Trust me, Mom, I’m keeping my eyes open. I’m looking, don’t worry about it.

Dad puts it another way: you have to be with someone who wants to be with you more than you want to be with her. It sounds like he takes people for granted. And I know my dad. But I’m guessing he’s only spouting what he knows. And he only knows what he knows. He’s been with Mom for more than 30 years, so maybe he knows what he’s talking about.

Mom likes to joke that I should produce some offspring and get on the welfare. She would help raise the children at home. Because I’d still be living at home with Mom and Dad. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. That’s only a negative American stigma, to be able to provide for yourself. All over the world, that’s how extended families come to be. That’s how most farmer families are. That’s how most tribal cultures are. And we are descendants of tribal people by nature. I don’t blame them.

It’s a big responsibility. And I don’t like wasting my time on fruitless things.

I’ve always believed that it takes a good 5 to 10 more years for minorities to develop to the stage that their White peers are at. Simply because there is a huge gap in cultural upbringing. I’m 30 years old, and most of my “American” (just a code word by minorities for Whites) are mostly married, have stable jobs, children, etc. But they’re also going to be miserable and divorce and cheat. It’s just not worth it. When you’re a minority with nothing, you want to work towards something secure and worthwhile. So it pays to know how to tell the difference between what is a good investment, in people and things, and what is not.

Or maybe, as I’ve also learned, to just let things take their course.

When I’m ready, I’ll be fully committed to it. But right now, I’m still a bachelor. I don’t want to settle down. Of course it’d be nice to have a steady girlfriend, not necessarily getting married yet, but it’d be nice to have a girlfriend.

Mom says I’m too poor to get a girlfriend. Or maybe, I’m not poor enough. Let’s shake this superficial box until no more cards fall out. Then we’ll see if we have a special golden ticket inside.

So for all the single women out there: I’m a good man, I’m not rich, I’m not the best looking, I’m okay with children (they love me), I’m lazy, but I’m also a man of my word. It would make my Mom happy if you thought about her son as a viable partner.

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